This & That: Stuff I Know #21--The Fallacy of Winning

I feel obligated to put the disclaimer out there with each one of these posts, just so everyone knows where I'm coming from...

--It's my blog

--They're my thoughts

--They're for my family

--Take them or leave them

--You're welcome, or....that's just too darn bad

Which brings me to Stuff I Know #21, which is......You're not always right.

I realize that this may come as a huge shock to certain members of my family. A revelatory moment, if you will. But I might as well just put it out there and burst the bubble now rather than have you live in some kind of fantasy land, despite how much you might like it there. Nope, you're not always right. And do you know how I know this startling fact? Because we're all human, none of us are perfect, and therefore we don't know everything.

You might really, really want to be right....all the time. In fact, you might be so convinced of your perpetual rightness that you will use all your amazing logic and your ability to spin that logic to present your way of thinking over, and over, and over again until anyone who dares think differently is mentally exhausted and rolls over like a possum playing dead. It becomes a competition instead of a collaboration, and you mentally high-five yourself and think, "I WIN!!!!" But do you really?

I'll tell you a little story. Many years ago, I was in a discussion with a few family members concerning something about which they felt strongly. I presented another viewpoint and one of them looked at me like I'd grown 2 heads and said, and these were the exact words, "Well, that's a stupid idea." Now how do you think this affected my relationship with this person? And why do you think I've remembered that moment with such crystal clarity over many, many years? Who wins in these situations?

You can feel right all you want. You can be so right all the time that people will actually avoid discussing things with you. Why? Because you make them feel less than. You make them feel like they're not entitled to their own thoughts and feelings, because they might be different from yours. You make them feel stupid. You make them feel like they are always the ones who need to change to be acceptable to you, because...you're right. You do what you want to do, because you're right.

So, if you're right all the time, how do you think that affects the people in your closest relationships? Do they feel like they can be heard? Do they feel like they can contribute? Do they feel valued? Do they feel equal? Do they feel loved?

So I guess the questions you might want to ask yourself as you ponder these thoughts is.....Does your need to be right overwhelm your consideration for others and their feelings? Do you need to win more than you need to make someone feel like they matter more than the point being made? And conversely, can you stand up for someone who's on the receiving end of "rightness" even if you agree with the one administering the "rightness," because your relationship is more important then what's being discussed?

I have no hard and fast answers, mostly because I think we all want to be right. It's human nature. What I do know is that no one wants to be wrong all the time so that you can be right all the time.