Again, I will say that the posts in the Stuff I Know series are directed at my children and grandchildren. If others enjoy them, that's great, but I'm not trying to dictate anyone's life but theirs. These are my opinions, not anyone else's...although you might have similar opinions yourself....or not. Up to you. Take them for what they're worth.
This is going to be an addendum to Stuff I Know #4, Kindness Matters, as well as #15, Kinder Than Necessary. I'm not quite sure why my thoughts recently seem to revolve around this topic quite so much. Maybe because it's been an interesting week. I've had several experiences over the last little while that have been difficult and, in my mind, hurtful...kind of one on top of the other, sort of stacked up, pressing down in addition to trying to get things lined up for a wedding, and church commitments, and family coming to visit. It's added up to some stress. It's life, and I realize that. Everyone has easy times and everyone has stressful times. Things don't always work out the way you think they might.
Life isn't fair. People aren't always kind. Sometimes they are lazy, rude, inconsiderate or thoughtless. Some might feel they are entitled to say hurtful things by virtue of the fact that they're related to you, and this is especially hard when it involves people close to you, who should love you unconditionally, and it's even harder when you feel like you've been doing a good job in whatever you've just been slapped at about...when you are informed that whatever good you think you have done, it isn't enough. This leads me to the point of today's post....Stuff I Know #16--Always take the high road. Totally not easy to do, but almost always the right choice.
I'll let you in on a secret. I'm terrible in confrontational situations, whether they are face-to-face, or in any other format. I don't think well on my feet and I tend to get emotional when I'm attacked or my feelings are hurt by someone else's actions. Give me time to ponder, and my rapier wit can turn the tables. You know how it is...someone gets in your face and an hour later you think of the perfect come-back, the line that would put them totally in their place as you turn on your heel and righteously stalk off into the setting sun. That's why blogging works so well for me. I can take hours to think of just the way I want to express something. It also gives me time to think extensively about just how best to deal with my feelings, and the answer for me almost always is....take the high road.
Now maybe that's just my non-confrontational side coming through. Maybe I just prefer to tuck it all away and ignore it until the next time it happens...as it surely will. But in my experience, slapping back at someone rarely accomplishes what you want it to. Mostly, it just deepens the conflict and solves nothing. I'm not saying there isn't a place for constructive discussion...as my husband will surely attest. He's a huge fan of "discussion," especially as it gives him and his olympic debating skills an opportunity to get you to see his point of view, but angry exchanges don't usually achieve much in the way of bridge building.
Am I perfect at this? Of course not. Sometimes I have to cherish my hurt or my exasperation just like anyone else. Stress is hard for everyone. Welcome to real life. Sometimes finding your Big Girl pants is really hard. Sometimes I can't find the high road with a flashlight, a GPS and a neon sign. We all have things go wrong, we all feel like we've been wronged on occasion, and that brings me to one of my favorite quotes that I have been repeating over and over and over and over like a mantra recently.
"It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life’s story will develop."--Dieter F. Uchtdorf
It's a work in progress.
I'm the same way when it comes to confrontation. It's sometimes embarrassing when trying to deal with things and the tears appear. Love you! Hugs.
Posted by: Marian | June 10, 2016 at 06:05 AM
Thanks for your kind, considerate nature, Mom. We all have been the beneficiaries of your example and your love. (but sometimes a nice punch to the face, or a nice pile-drive to the face, goes a loooooooong way....)
Posted by: AP man | June 10, 2016 at 06:12 AM
Love this.
And also love the disclaimer that you aren't dictating to anyone other than your children :) Made me smile.
Posted by: Andrea | June 10, 2016 at 07:40 AM
Totally needed this today. Thanks Mom!
Posted by: SD Boy's Wife | June 10, 2016 at 08:54 AM
I'm just like you--non-confrontational and not quick at comebacks! You are so awesome with words, Catherine. Thanks for posting this!
Posted by: Melanie L. | June 10, 2016 at 03:35 PM
Love this, as I have loved all of your "things I know" posts. You could be describing me when you talk about non-confrontational, think of the perfect thing to say AFTER the fact, it's me to a tee. Thanks for this post.
Donna
Posted by: dmc4042 | June 13, 2016 at 03:46 PM