As I continue on this occasional series of posts, please keep in mind that this is life from my point of view. I don't claim to have any kind of premium on the "right" answers. This is just my own experience which I'm hoping to pass on most especially to my kids. If anyone else benefits, that's an added bonus. So onto Catherine's view of Stuff I Know #2...
It's all about who you marry. I mean, it's ALL about who you marry.
DH and I have had this discussion with all of our children on numerous occasions. Whether you have a happy life, whether your kids (and my grandbabies) have good parenting, whether the trip down the road of life is easy or hard depends in large part on who you share all that with. So you have to choose wisely. It can't be a total "first rush of love" decision. There has to be some logical thought involved. Can you hold a rational, thoughful conversation on deep topics with this person? Do you agree on the big things? Can you compromise on the other stuff? (Remembering Stuff I Know #1, that basic personality doesn't change...) Do you have goals together that you're both willing to work on? Can you both act like grown ups and pull more than your share of the weight sometimes? Not ALL the time, but sometimes.
As a mom, especially a mom with lots of sons, I really fretted about the girls my boys might bring home (ok, yeah, I worry about who The Girl will eventually bring home, too). It's hard for Moms to hand over the reins of care for their precious children to someone else, because my dear, sweet DIL's, I feel for your husbands exactly how you feel about your own precious babies. That intense Mother Love doesn't go away because they are big now. I wondered how these other women and I would get along and I really hoped I wouldn't have to grit my teeth and bear it every time they came to visit, because realize one very big thing...as a parent you have no control over this choice for your children.
You really hope your kid has listened to those conversations you've had with them about picking a spouse. You really hope that they've done all the work they need to do to be the best spouse to someone else. Admittedly, I'm only halfway through this process with my children, but so far, so good. And that's one really good thing about being a mom. You find that your love can stretch and grow to encompass these people your children choose to love, and then there are grandbabies, and that's just icing on the cake. So to my sons' awesome wives, you make my boys better men and I love you all.
wonderful!
Posted by: Joyce | January 26, 2012 at 04:44 AM
You are so right!
Posted by: Little Sis | January 26, 2012 at 07:26 AM
aw, I feel so appreciated right now. Thank you so much, Mama. For the record, you are a stellar MIL---I got lucky enough to snag Eric and secured his entire amazing family as a bonus!
Posted by: your favorite son | January 26, 2012 at 08:59 AM
I love you too Mom!! I often think about how lucky I am that I not only got to meet the Allan family but then got to join them and become an Allan myself!
Posted by: SD Boy's wife | January 26, 2012 at 11:01 AM
What a beautiful post!
TFS!
Karen
Posted by: Karen | January 26, 2012 at 11:35 AM
Amen. You DIL's are lucky to have a MIL like you.
Posted by: andrea | January 26, 2012 at 12:27 PM
Wonderful post! I know they think they are lucky also!!
Posted by: Pam | January 26, 2012 at 04:55 PM
Such a lovely, lovely post. I only hope I get so lucky. Mine turns 29 in a few weeks and is single...which I believe to be a good thing because I didn't feel good about his former, long time girlfriend.
Posted by: JulieP | January 27, 2012 at 05:45 AM